I know there will be days you want to. Days you don’t think you can take another heartbreak. But listen to me. DO NOT QUIT.

I write this to you through eyes clouded with tears, with my therapy dog (or so I like to call her) at my feet. My kids are in bed and I feel like I may never sleep again. I knew adopting an older child would be hard, but I thought it would be hard because of their behaviors. I thought that the way a child would act and how her brain would be wired after being through trauma would be hard. And it is. I have to find new ways to parent the situations I thought I was so capable in before. It’s different when you are parenting a child of trauma.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the complete recurring heartbreak of my child’s story. I am so glad God didn’t fill me in all at once. But as we are going through a normal day and suddenly we are told of some terrible thing that happened in the past, it’s like being blind-sided over and over. Jason Johnson wrote, “We don’t strut into their stories with a cape on our shoulders; we crawl in with a cross on our back.” And sometimes it seems too heavy to carry.

On those days, give yourself grace. Hold it together for your kiddos and let it all out once they are asleep. Eat the chocolate, hold the dog, PRAY. God has said He will never forsake us. He is with us in the midst of our trials and He hurts too.

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior
Isaiah 43:1-3

No one said this would be easy. But each and every child is absolutely worth it. My life will never be the same. I can’t rest in my ignorance any longer. I can’t say I didn’t know what was happening. And I don’t know how much of it I can truly affect. But I know this. God put my child in my life and my home. He brought her here on purpose and He chose me to be her mom. ON PURPOSE. He chose you to be the mom to your kids. He knew what they would need and that you and He could do it together. Don’t think for a moment that you are alone. God knows. He is catching every tear. He is hiding you in the shadow of His wings.

And He is in the business of redemption. One day He will set all things right. And until that day, we get to watch beauty unfold from the ashes of trauma. We get to see grace and love poured out over our kids and see God writing His story of redemption in their lives. What a beautiful story we get to witness.

I am right here in the trenches with you. You are not alone. I am praying for you and your kids. God has got you and He won’t ever let go.