You know those days. The ones that make you want to crawl back in bed before you even leave the house. The ones that make you long for bedtime. The ones that need another cup of coffee (or in my case, another can of Diet Pepsi.)
The ones that make you grateful you get to try again tomorrow.
I had one recently. I had to drop my daughter off for a week at her dad’s house. I know, some moms are excited about a little time to themselves. Time to clean, work, maybe go out with friends. That’s just not me. My daughter and I are freakishly close. We were on our own when she was just a toddler and all those years as just the two of us built an amazing relationship. One that I pray remains close and strong for the rest of our lives.
So not seeing each other for a whole week is rough. We haven’t done it much and we aren’t used to it. For several days and even weeks beforehand, she is anxious, knowing the week is coming. She has fun during the time she is gone, but the separation is always hard for her. And for me. I tuck little notes in her suitcase for each day she will be gone. And a pack or two of gum. And when she calls, I ask to make sure she found them. Before she left this time, we were in the store and I told her I needed to get some notecards. She suggested the animal print cards and I got them. I hope she was surprised when she opened the envelopes and found they were for her.
I was braced for it. I had felt the anxiety building in me for the days leading up to it, too. The fact that these times are hard doesn’t mean we have an unhealthy relationship. It means there is back story that is just for us. And our back story affects us every day, just like yours affects you. We both know her transitions in and out will be hard. And we ride the waves of emotion together. I want to ease those times for her and have found a few things that help. Like the notes I tuck in her suitcase reminding her that she is an amazing human and including a Bible verse to build her up. I make sure she feels in control as much as possible. I let her take way more things with her than she needs. Whatever will bring her comfort or joy.
So that day. The day I dropped her off. I was trying hard to hide my anxiety and sadness. Telling her she would have an amazing time. Promising she wouldn’t miss out on anything fun at home. Which she always worries about.
After I dropped her off, I was driving to work and trying to shake off the sick feeling in me. Suddenly I heard these words softly in my head.
Even this.
Even THIS is the day the Lord has made.
Even this hard, sad day. Whether it’s a day of absence from someone you love, another day of chemo, a day where every single thing seems to go wrong. Whether it’s a day of rejoicing and celebrating a life you love, or a day of grieving the loss of what you thought life would be. Even this is the day the Lord has made.
God is always good. He made this day for a reason. He put me here in this place and this time to be used for His purposes. And He won’t let me go. Even this day, will be good. Even this day, will be useful. Even this day, I will praise Him. Even this day, I will rejoice.
